Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
