So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
