five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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