so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
