saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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