he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
