Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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