you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ttyl tear gas
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
