he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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