My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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