Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
