I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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