i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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