How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
