Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
