dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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