The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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