after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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