Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well you can't waste a boner
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
