I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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