he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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