Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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