You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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