Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
