Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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