Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize