Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
