Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
