Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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