U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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