Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize