there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
