i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
