At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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