I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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