I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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