I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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