Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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