I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
