I cannot find my penis.
Non-Jews are for practice
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
