this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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