I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
