Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
