butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
