I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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