i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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