On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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