If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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