Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
