If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
