He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
