The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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