I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
