Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
