You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am available for nakedness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
