Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
