i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i have two assholes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
