Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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