I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
