East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
