Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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