I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
