I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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