yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.