someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.