Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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