I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
