just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
