At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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