we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
