Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
