Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize