Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
