A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
