whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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