Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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